Why Am I In So Much Pain When I Ride My Partner?

Feeling some physical pain during intercourse is incredibly common. Though it might make you feel slightly better to know you're not alone, this fact likely offers little comfort when you're in the middle of a sexual encounter, and things just aren't feeling right. Whether you're dealing with muscle aches due to a position that doesn't work for your body, irritation or burning on your skin, or a gynecologic condition like vaginismus or vulvodynia, there are ways to help ease your pain so you can enjoy the pain-free, happy sex you deserve. Let's know more about what causes pain; mostly, ask the question, Why Am I In So Much Pain When I Ride My Partner?

What Can Cause Sexual Pain?

Pain during sex is very common with penis-vagina penetrative sex. Causes of sexual pain in vulva owners can range from not being correctly aroused and lubricated to medical causes such as vaginismus (an involuntary contraction of vaginal muscles). For individuals with a penis, penetrative sex can also be painful without proper lubrication and medical problems, including Peyronie's disease (a significant bend in the penis) or issues with the foreskin.

Why am I in So Much Pain When I Ride My Partner? Let's Know About This

I have urinary incontinence, aka holding my pee when I laugh or jump up and down is a problem.

I thought living with this humiliation was punishment enough for any crime I committed in this life or my last. But I never suspected that the deep pain in my uterus during sex would also be connected to my urinary incontinence. Missionary feels great, and doggy style is fun, but cowgirl, faceoff, or reverse cowgirl might as well have been a stick verberating my insides. I keeled over in pain and tried my hardest not to wince, letting out a sigh of relief when it was over or we changed positions. At first, I thought my partner and I might not be a sexual match, but it was no big deal! But partner after partner, the piercing pain stayed. Gynecologists, friends, and Google suggested longer tantric foreplay, organically sourced lubricants, and meditation techniques. Nothing helped, so I reserved myself for the thought that certain sex positions would always equal pain. I could live with missionary and doggy style, clitoral stimulations, and my trusty vibrator collection.

Meanwhile, fed up with living preparation to preparation, I tried to find a "pelvic floor physical therapist." She insisted she couldn't tell me a word until she examined me. I lay on the examination table with a sarong around my waist. She inserted her fingers inside me, feeling around without explaining what she was looking for. She commanded me to tighten up every few minutes to stop peeing. I couldn't do it. I squeezed and squeezed, and I couldn't do it. She let out aggravated, angry sighs and aggressively asked me, "why can't you do this exercise? It's the easiest?" After an hour of vaginal humiliation, she explained my muscles were so tight from holding my pee all these years I had to see her for eight weeks of biweekly massages, and then we could start to retrain my muscles. I asked for at-home exercises to speed up the process and lessen her hands in my pants, but she insisted my muscles were so tight this massage was my only hope. I left feeling defeated and violated.

The next day I admitted my nightmare to my therapist, but to my shock, she told me how many of her clients also suffered from urinary incontinence and referred me to a trusted PT. Sat with me for a long consultation and asked about my history and sex life. She explained the pain I felt during sex was directly correlated to my urinary incontinence; the exercises would relax my muscles. "I do have to touch you, but you need to do exercises at home. My philosophy is that I don't want you returning, and if we only do the work here, that won't make you independent."

I have a Ph.D. in taking care of my body; I'll give you a few tips. Number one: lay on your back and belly and breathe as it drops to the pelvic floor. Number two: cowgirl is fun; you feel more in control of your orgasm. And number three: if anyone ever takes joy in demeaning, you know someone else will always want to help you.

Ways To Make Sex Less Painful

If you get to know why Am I In So Much Pain When I Ride My Partner? Here are some ways you can make sex less painful.

Take Things Slowly

Some individuals can just go right into sex as soon as the opportunity presents itself, but others require lots of foreplay before they're ready to go. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, but if you start having sex before you're adequately turned on, you might feel pain, especially when it comes to penis-in-vagina intercourse. "Many women think that if they feel excited, they're ready for sex. But your body needs time to lift the uterus and allow the vagina to expand.

Be Sure You're Using Enough Lubrication

Although you still need to be sure that your body is ready for sex before your partner enters you, vaginal dryness can occur even if you're fully ready to go. This is where lube comes in, so you'll want to snag a silicone- or water-based lubricant, precisely one without harsh chemicals or fragrances, so that you won't risk irritating your genitals or skin.

Check For Allergies Or Other Health Conditions

If you're feeling itchiness, burning, or irritation below, you could be dealing with several health issues, so you'll want to check with your doctor. An itchy rash or hives can be symptoms of a latex allergy, as can vaginal irritation or burning. It is also possible to have a more severe allergy that leads to anaphylaxis, which involves system-wide swelling, dropping blood pressure, and difficulty breathing. That would be rare, but it needs immediate medical attention."

Try A Different Position

Unfortunately, some sex positions are more likely to cause pain during sex than others, so you might need to get creative. Positions that allow for deep thrusting (such as doggie style) are often more painful for women. In contrast, those that allow the woman more control of the pace (such as woman-on-top, missionary, or side-by-side spooning) are often helpful if you're experiencing painful sex.

Create A Relaxing, Sex-Positive Environment

For many individuals, it can be hard to fully relax and enjoy the moment, which leads to tension in your bodies as you are having sex. So doing some things to help yourself feel connected at the moment is a great way to have more pleasurable sex. Relaxation looks different for everyone, but some helpful tips include keeping the space free of clutter and mess, so you won't be worried about getting cozy on top of a pile of clothes.

Take A Break From Intercourse

It might sound obvious, but pain often signals that your body needs a break, so it won't hurt to listen to your body and explore other options for a little while. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy other forms of intimacy — if you haven't enjoyed a makeout session in a long time, it can be a surprisingly fun way to keep the spark alive without the worries of pain below. Sometimes, it takes a little exploration of your body to figure out what works best — without pressure to climax or have a full-on sex session.

FAQs

How Is Common Painful Sex?

Pain during intercourse is very common—nearly 3 out of 4 females have pain during intercourse at some time. For some ladies, the pain is just a temporary issue; for others, it is a long-term problem.

Will I ever be able to have pain-free sex?

Many treatment and management options available can support making sex less painful. In some individuals, the pain may resolve completely; in others, the pain can be reduced through treatment, though not completely. Speaking to a doctor is a wonderful way to discover which options might work for you.